


The Days Between

by ChickPea92



Series: Lilith Hawke & Cullen Rutherford [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Complicated Relationships, Established Relationship, F/M, Long-Distance Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-26 23:13:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5024341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickPea92/pseuds/ChickPea92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at what Lilith Hawke and Cullen Rutherford are up to whilst they're apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Cullen rubbed at his eyes, desperately trying to keep himself awake as Josephine rambled on about a bunch of disgruntled nobles in Orlais. It was late and they'd already been in the war room for several hours now. He'd assumed that with Corypheus' inevitable invasion looming over them they'd have more important matters to discuss but according to the Ambassador the trivial affairs were usually the most damaging.

“If we do not do something these rumours will spread,” Josephine blathered on, “and before you know it the whole of Orlais will think that the Inquisition is being overrun by nugs.”

Cullen snorted at the preposterousness of it.

“This is a serious matter.” She scolded. “It will affect our reputation; no one will want to visit and we will lose all of our endorsements.”

“Perhaps we could sort this another time?” The Inquisitor said. “It is rather late, Josie.”

The Ambassador sighed and nodded, beginning to gather her things, before Leliana pulled a letter from her pocket.

“I do apologise, but there is one last thing I must bring up.” She said, causing Cullen to growl quietly in frustration. “It shall be quick.”

Leliana turned to her side and held out the letter to him.

“An urgent letter for you, Commander.” Cullen looked down at the letter simply addressed 'Commander of the Inquisition' with a frown and saw that the seal had been torn.

“Thank you...” He said warily, noticing the tiniest glint in the spy's eye, and began to read.

“ _Dear Commander,_

_I sincerely apologise for the delay_ _in this most recent correspondence as my current party is lacking in the necessary stationary to compose a letter. I truly hope the silence on this end hasn't caused any uncertainty for the Inquisition._

_I am sure you're eager to know of my latest movements so I shall waste no more of your time. Unsurprisingly I have spent a lot of time down south; with so much land to explore I fear I shall never leave.”_

Cullen's frown deepened, completely baffled at what in the world this letter was talking about. He glanced up at Leliana who's expression hadn't changed in the slightest but noticed Josephine hiding a smile behind her hand. He quickly looked back down.

“ _I do so love the south; so many valleys to run through, a hill that's more than satisfying to go over. The best part is when you find the perfect spot to curl up into and lie down to rest. It's not quite the same as curling up with you though. Nothing ever compares to the Commander going down south; oh how he loves to drink from the rivers in the valleys and watch as I pant, completely out of breath, as we climb the hill toge - ”_

Cullen's eyes widened when it suddenly dawned on him what he was reading; he knew that handwriting was far too familiar. He cleared his throat and quickly folded the letter back up, shoving it into his pocket.

“Uh, yes, very important indeed.” He said, feeling the heat rise up his face.

“You should read the rest.” Leliana smirked. “It goes on to talk about plundering damp caves.”

“Perhaps later,” he grumbled, “we've wasted enough of the Inquisitor's time.”

Cullen gathered up his reports and made a hasty exit from the war room, refusing to look back when he heard the faint giggles of his fellow advisors.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at what Lilith Hawke and Cullen Rutherford are up to whilst they're apart.

_Hawke,_

_I'm glad to hear you're safe and that your journeys are going well. I apologise for not sending as many letters as I'd like but the fight against Corypheus has become the focus of my attention. It seems that every time we push our forces onto him he pushes back with twice the might. In the dark hours of the night it leaves me wondering if I'll ever see you again._

_I'm sorry, I shouldn't put that on you. But I cannot deny how much I've been missing you these past few months. I can't remember the last time I slept through a whole night, and I'm ashamed to say that I noticed that you must have moved my remaining source of lyrium before you left. However, the note you put in its place helped far more than any amount of that wretched stuff would have, so I thank you._

_The only solace I have is knowing that each day that passes is one day closer to seeing you again. I only pray that Skyhold, and myself, shall still be standing when you return._

_~~All my lo~~ ~~With lov~~_

_Thinking of you,_

_Cullen_

* * *

Aveline smiled at the letter from over Hawke's shoulder. Never in a million years would she have thought those two to be such a cute couple, but there he is, bumbling in a _letter_ for Maker's sake. Hawke had said he was no longer the young Knight-Captain they once knew but a strong-headed Commander but it seemed a little of that awkward templar yet remained in him, and if anything it was rather endearing.

“Another letter from the Knight-Captain, I presume?” Carver scoffed. “You always get that dopey look on your face when it is.”

“I do not!” Hawke said, quickly shoving the paper into a pocket. “And it's Commander now, you insolent little - ”

“Alright, Hawke, let's not say things we're going to regret.” Aveline interjected.

“You're such a hypocrite, Hawke, all those things you said about him, about templars, and now you're in bed with one.”

“It's not like that, Carver, and you know it.” She said through gritted teeth. “You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bothered coming out here.”

“Why _did_ you bother?!” He said angrily. “Aveline told you I was fine, yet you still had to come all the way out here to rescue your poor defenceless little brother like the big sister hero you seem to think you are.”

“Well I apologise for caring.” Hawke muttered.

Carver sighed and shook his head.

“I'm heading out to get some supplies.”

“Carver...” Aveline tried to get him to stay, desperate for the two of them to have at least one nice conversation since Hawke arrived. She watched as Carver slammed the door to her house shut behind him. “Must it always be like this with you two?”

“Do you think I'm a hypocrite?” Hawke asked quietly, completely ignoring Aveline's question.

“No,” she said plainly, “I think you're in love.”

“Ugh,” Hawke curled up her lip, “that's such a sappy answer.”

Aveline couldn't help but laugh.

“I did miss you, Hawke.” She said, smiling back when the mage reluctantly smirked at her.

She'd missed her. Missed her snarky remarks, her boisterous attitude, honestly she'd just missed having her friend around. But Carver was right, there was no real need for her to be here. Aveline had made it perfectly clear in her letter to Varric that everything was fine; Carver was safe and she would make sure to keep an eye on him until the issue with the Grey Wardens was dealt with. Aveline sighed, knowing she shouldn't bring it up but unable to stop herself.

“It does lead me to question why you're still here though.” She said. “I can understand wanting to know your brother's safe, even after getting my letter, but you've been with him for months now, add that together with your travel time and it's been a year since you left Skyhold.”

Hawke refused to look up from where she was repairing her staff, silently biting her lip as Aveline continued.

“If you really love Cullen why haven't you returned to him?”

“How dare you question my feelings for him?” Hawke snarled.

“I'm not, Hawke, believe me. It's just...” Aveline thought over her next words carefully. “You do tend to run away from your problems...and Cullen's the first decent relationship you've ever been in. I can't help but wonder whether you really came all the way out here to see Carver or if it was just an excuse.”

Hawke sighed and placed the staff on the table in front of her.

“I didn't know what else to do. It was easy when it was just sex, but now?” Hawke shrugged in defeat. “I've never done this before; _being_ with someone. I'm afraid that one day Cullen's just going to wake up and realise what a mouthy cow I am and tell me to leave.”

Aveline snorted and Hawke looked up at her irritatedly.

“I hate to break it to you, Hawke, but I think he's already realised that. For some reason it might be part of why he loves you.” Aveline avoided Hawke's glare. “Anyway, being with someone is about being there for them, supporting them when they need it most...like when they're fighting an impossible enemy who could destroy all of Thedas at any moment..”

“Alright! I see your point, Guard-Captain.” Hawke held her face in her hands.

“You can't run away from everything all the time, you know.” Aveline glanced over at Carver's shield adorned with its iconic griffons. “Speaking of which, you need to make things up with that brother of yours before you leave. Do you know how moody he'll be otherwise?”

“I have a vague idea.” She mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very long time and I thank you all so much for your patience. Inspiration hit me this morning and I didn't take it for granted!

Cullen brushed a stray crumb from the front of his formal wear, wishing he hadn't devoured that tiny cake quite so quickly. He had to hand it to Josephine; she may have been a complete nightmare to be around for the past couple of months but she did a damn good job of putting on celebration. After all, you can't have just any old gathering for the defeat of Corypheus.

He still couldn't quite believe it had happened, that it was actually over. Cullen half expected another veil to tear through the grand hall itself, sucking up what little happiness the Inquisition had managed to selfishly hold on to after these trying times.

He just wished that she was here to enjoy it with him. To be stood by his side, giving him that smirk of hers that told him she was up to no good. Every morning he woke he hoped it would finally be the day she returned to him. He thought of nothing else as he lay awake at night, alone in a bed that had never seemed so empty. He imagined how she'd burst through his office door, still covered in the dirt and grime of several months travel, and he'd have to dismiss the soldiers from the important meeting she'd just interrupted. He smiled to himself at the thought of it, praying that the day he dreamt of wasn't too far away. Perhaps she was even on her way home at this very moment.

Cullen's stomach turned as an all too familiar thought popped into his head, only for a second, but long enough to weave that ever growing thread of doubt in his mind; would she even come back to him at all? He knew Hawke well enough to know that nothing was ever certain with her, somehow she was the most predictable yet unpredictable woman in all of Thedas; it was one of the reasons he loved her. It felt like such a long time since Hawke had left Skyhold and Cullen began to wonder whether she found a new reason never to return with each passing day she was gone.

The Commander shook his head slightly; she would come back, she had to, she'd promised.

“You look very deep in thought, Commander.” Came a thick Orlesian accent from beside him.

Cullen turned to face the voice in question and smiled politely, surprised to see that this woman was one of few not hidden behind the trademark mask.

“Merely wondering how we ever managed to get here.” He replied.

“A long walk I imagine.” She said with a laugh but Cullen frowned. “You know...to get to Skyhold.”

“Ah, yes,” he let out a small chuckle as it dawned on him that she was making a joke, albeit a terrible one, “very good.”

“Sorry, Commander, I am not so good with these things.” She pushed some hair from her face and looked away.

“You don't come across as the typical Orlesian.” Cullen looked to her face again. “You don't wear one of those ghastly masks for one.”

“Ah, no, and my mother does not approve either.” She said with a smirk.

Cullen's attention was drawn to her lips, not particularly plump, but soft looking all the same. His gaze drifted up to her eyes, a beautiful amber colour that glistened gold in the light and full of mischief, not unlike another woman he knew. This mysterious woman was definitely no ordinary Orlesian.

“I never got your name.” He said, hoping she hadn't caught him staring for too long.

“That is because I never gave it.” She said coyly.

They stood comfortably together for a while, talking of the battle and the Inquisitor's great victory, of what the future might hold for Thedas. If someone had told Cullen he'd be spending the night making rather enjoyable small talk with an Orlesian woman he would never have believed it, not in a million years.

“I was surprised to see no lady friend on your arm, Commander.” The woman suddenly remarked.

“Uh, no.” Cullen shook his head with an awkward smile, praying this conversation went no further.

“The Inquisition has not tried to marry you off yet?” She continued much to his dismay.

“I'm sure they have, along with many others, but I'm not so easily swayed.” He hinted.

“That is a shame; you would be quite the catch.” For the first time since meeting, Cullen noticed the slightest sign of embarrassment from the woman. “You know, my mother is trying to find me a suitor. It is the main reason for us being here. Although do not mention that to anyone else; she would die if people found out we were not here to celebrate your victory.”

“My lips are sealed.” Cullen replied, feeling his palms grow ever damper from her suggestive tone.

Maker, he hadn't reacted like this to a woman since he was a boy. His eyes suddenly shot to her cleavage as one of her delicate hands delved down her corset. He cleared his throat and tried desperately to look anywhere but her chest.

“Here,” Cullen risked a glance back to her and found a folded piece of paper being held out to him, “should you wish to meet again, which...I very much hope you do.”

Cullen's hand twitched, surprised to find himself wanting to take the note yet unable to. He looked back up to her face and, for the first time, was greeted with a genuine, warm smile from the Orlesian. He couldn't help but mirror that smile himself, his arm raising to gently pluck the piece of paper from her fingers.

_Hawke._

Her name rang in his head like an alarm but the light-hearted giggle from the woman before him easily drowned it out.

_Hawke._

He unfolded the piece of paper, far too curious to know this woman's name, before looking up to watch her walk away.

_Marie_.

He placed the paper in his pocket carefully. _Just in case_ , he told himself, watching as she disappeared within the crowd.

_Marie._


	4. Chapter 4

“You didn't need to come with me.” Carver grumbled. “I'm perfectly capable of - ”

“I know,” Hawke interrupted, “you seem to be capable of almost anything these days. I just wanted to accompany you, that's all – like a brother, sister field trip!”

Carver raised his eyebrow at her and she just smiled, her heart warming when he returned it. Things had improved a lot over the past few weeks between Hawke and her younger sibling, even managing a civil conversation every now and then, and today she'd decided to join him on his daily hunt for supplies. She'd put a lot of effort into repairing their broken down relationship, not as a distraction from certain other things...or people, but because she wanted to get to know her brother again.

Or at least that's what she told herself.

“Any letters this morning?” Carver asked nonchalantly.

“You know there wasn't.” Muttered Hawke.

It had been three weeks to the day since she received her last letter from Cullen. At first she feared for his safety, wondering if Corypheus had pushed further into their fortress, but when she heard no news of Skyhold around the streets of Kirkwall she knew all must be well. So she wrote to Varric; not wanting to make the purpose of her letter obvious she asked of the well-being of the Inquisitor and his ' _advisors'_.

“ _Curly's been in high spirits recently.”_

Apparently Cullen had been in such a jubilant mood that Varric had assumed she was coming home; and that worried her more than anything.

Yet here she still was.

“They've probably got lost somewhere.” Hawke appreciated the sentiment but Carver's reassurance did nothing to ease her mind. “Anyway...I thought you were going back to Skyhold at some point? N-Not to say I don't love having you here, sis!”

Carver looked away awkwardly and Hawke sighed; she'd outstayed her welcome and he was finally making it clear. She was surprised it'd taken him this long to pipe up about it; Aveline told her to go home after a single night's rest.

“I thought I might see if there were some...jobs around town?” She said unconvincingly.

“Yeah, 'cause we all know how much you love helping the people of Kirkwall.” He chuckled. “I lost count of the amount of times those eyes of yours rolled when some poor, helpless citizen asked you to find some long lost trinket of theirs.”

“Don't remind me.” She grumbled. “Was no one capable of doing a little investigating of their own?”

“Seriously though, Hawke, aren't you desperate to get back to Cullen by now?”

“No...well, yes, but...oh, I don't know!” She exclaimed, running a hand through her already tousled hair. “Things are complicated.”

“Do you want to know what I think?” Carver stopped walking and turned to face Hawke, grabbing her by the wrist when she kept going.

“No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyway.” She said, rolling her eyes.

“You're afraid of failing.” Carver crossed his arms defiantly and had never looked so proud of himself.

“Excuse me?” Hawke raised an eyebrow. “And how does that relate to Cullen and me?”

“You use everything as an excuse; never being in a proper relationship before, mages versus templars, blah, blah, blah.” Hawke pursed her lips at him. “You're just afraid you and Cullen won't make it. And...” Carver looked away, scratching the back of his neck. “...and what I think you're most afraid of is the hurt afterwards.”

Hawke just stared at her younger brother. For the first time ever she was unable to come up with some kind of smart response to his allegations; and that's because he was right.

The reasons she doubted their relationship, the reasons she put off returning to Skyhold, it was never something specific about Cullen she didn't like or something so irritating she couldn't stand to be with him; it was always because she asked herself 'what if?'

What if he grew tired of her? What if someone better came along? What if he'd forgotten all about her before they were even reunited?

What if she was left alone, with no one? Again.

“So...what do I do now then?” She asked.

“Go to him.” Carver said with a smile. “Just give the whole lovey-dovey thing a go, and if it doesn't work out at least you gave it a shot.”

“When did you get so wise?” Hawke smirked.

“When I didn't have a big sister watching over me all the time. Well,” Carver grabbed the bag of food and water they'd already gathered and shoved it into Hawke's hands. “you'd better take this for the ride.”

“What, now?” Hawke's heart was pounding, exhilarated by her unexpected, yet spontaneous, decision and so incredibly nervous at the thought of actually seeing Cullen again. What would he say? What would _she_ say? She could feel the smile spread achingly wide across her face as she forced the supplies into her satchel.

“No time like the present.” Said Carver.

Hawke turned to leave, itching to get back on the road with her horse, but something stopped her.

“You do realise I would have come anyway.” She suddenly burst out. “Cullen or no Cullen; I needed to know you were safe.”

“Uh, thanks.” Carver fidgeted with his hands, an obvious blush spreading across his cheeks.

All of a sudden it was like there was a 10 year old Carver stood in front of her rather than the grown man she'd seen him become.

“I love you.” Hawke said with a sly smile. “We don't say it enough.”

“I thought you were leaving!” He complained, finding one particular leaf on the ground of great interest.

Hawke decided she'd tortured him enough, eager now more than ever to see Cullen again, Maker, just to hear his voice would do. She threw her satchel over a shoulder, turning away from Carver for the last time, and began counting the days before Skyhold.

* * *

 

Cullen smoothed down the front of his jacket with trembling hands, more nervous than he'd been in a long time.

_Just a drink_ , she'd said, and he couldn't agree more. He wasn't sure if he was ready for anything more yet; a tiny – no, _stupid_ part of him still held that glimmer of hope. But even she'd stopped writing to him now.

“Commander,” came a voice from the battlements followed by heavy footsteps into his office, “a raven came with a letter for you.”

Cullen turned to face the other door now opening to his office, plucking the letter from the scout's hand at the same time.

“I think it's from Kirk - ” The young boy began.

“Yes, yes, thank you.” He interrupted, dismissing him with a wave.

Cullen threw the letter on the desk, too distracted by the tall, beautiful, Orlesian woman to notice the familiar handwriting on the front.

“Good evening, Marie.” He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends the Hawken mini series! I already have the epilogue very much planned out - it's turned into quite a long epilogue and I am very excited to get started on it.
> 
> Hopefully it won't be so long until the next instalment - thank you all for being so incredibly patient! <3


End file.
